


a better kiss that never lasts

by orphan_account



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: (not between pete and patrick), Abusive Relationships, Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Back Together, Heavy Angst, Internalized Homophobia, Weight Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-15 22:04:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7240270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pete is dating Ashlee. Patrick can't help but think it's because of his weight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> for the fall out boy creations challenge. the prompt was "calm before the storm". i got inspired by various lyrics such as "you said, between your smiles and regrets", "what he has: a better kiss that never lasts".

Pete entered to Patrick's house, a triumphant smile on his lips. He didn't greet Patrick with a kiss, and Patrick already had a bad feeling about all this. He closed his eyes and sighed tiredly.

"What happened, Pete?"

"I'm dating Ashlee! You know, Ashlee Simpson?" he said happily, his voice full of contentment. "She said yes." He knew he had fucked up when Patrick didn't answer. "Patrick, I... You knew we were going nowhere."

Patrick looked at him. "Fuck off, Pete," he said, suddenly feeling very small and inoffensive compared to the older boy. "You never loved me, did you?" he questioned quietly, a hand on his hip and the other fist clenched. "You never even liked me," he spat.

"Patrick, I --"

"Who could love a fatty like me?" he said, his voice venomous and he spat poison with every one of his words. "Who could even like me?" he sounded betrayed, he sounded hurt, and he hid it behind venom and anger.

"Patrick, listen to me."

"No!" he almost screamed, his knuckles whitening. "You never fucking loved me, Wentz. Face it."

"I did love you," Pete said, taking a step closer to the younger boy. He stepped back. "But we were going nowhere, and you know that."

"We could have!" Patrick yelled, his ocean blue eyes open wide. "We could have. You lied. Just to make me feel better, didn't you?"

Silence followed Patrick's words. "You knew I hated myself," he continued, quieter this time. "You knew I wanted to rip all my fat off. And you thought, 'oh, if I pretend to like him he won't kill himself'. Guess fucking what! I'm done. I see through your lies. You piece of shit."

"Patrick, I never..."

"Leave! Leave now!"

"I'm not leaving."

"Leave!" he grabbed his arm and pulled him aside, and he entered his room as he slammed the door shut. He locked it then.

Jesus Christ, he thought as he got to enter the room and calm down. He didn't believe what had just happened. He knew Pete had a thing for Ashlee, but he thought he just innocently flirted with her.

He knew about Ashlee. She was skinny, perfect, good. Not like him. Not like him at all.

He hid his face in a pillow, fear and betrayal and anger making him shake slightly. "Fuck," he breathed. "Fuck."


	2. Chapter 2

Patrick heard a knock on the door and opened it without seeing who it was. His eyes opened wide when he saw no-one else but his ex's now girlfriend, Ashlee. She looked worried and also kind of angry.

He gulped. "What did you come here for?" He was still slightly shaking from what had happened.

Ashlee rolled her eyes. She seemed sophisticated and too into the whole 'I'm famous so better act like it' scheme, and it annoyed him already. "I didn't know Pete had a fling with you, but you should accept that's over," she said with scorn, her stare slightly despising. "And it has nothing to do with your weight."

He scoffed. "Of course it does," Patrick said stubbornly. "You're skinny. He prefers you because of that."

Ashlee laughed. "He prefers me because he's straight."

Patrick screamed internally. "He's bi!" he almost yelled. "Leave me alone, Ashlee. I don't want to know about you or Pete. He left me without even telling me. He just went away and the next day he was dating you. It wasn't a goddamn fling!" he remembered the nights they'd pass together, how much so-called love was there.

And he took it away all at once. From day to night, he was alone, and Pete was dating Ashlee.

Ashlee seemed left speechless by Patrick's sudden rant. "Patrick, I -- Pete --"

"Shut up," he said, his ocean blue eyes darkened with anger.

Ashlee tried to enter the house. He shoved her outside and closed the door locked.


	3. Chapter 3

Pete looked up and down his girlfriend, who kissed him passionately. The back of his mind was still on Patrick -- everything about him. But being with a boy, with a man, felt utterly wrong, and he had searched comfort on a girl.

And that girl happened to be Ashlee, nonetheless. He wasn't sure if he really did like her, but he couldn't stop thinking about Patrick. Patrick and his hats, his full lips, his smile, his ocean blue eyes.

Being with a boy was wrong, though. It was wrong and bad and terrible and that's why he had resorted to date Ashlee. He wanted the trouble, the homophobia, the hate on himself to go away.

It didn't work, to say the best.

"Pete?" Ashlee muttered softly, kissing his lips again. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," he lied, kissing her forcefully. "I love you," he said, feeling sick with those three words. He shouldn't be going from a side to another.

He should decide. He shouldn't be like this.

"Love you too," she murmured before kissing him again.

\---

Pete lied awake at night, not being able to sleep. He knew there was only one way he'd fall asleep, but he wasn't very positive the other would accept to do it.

Ashlee had went to her house, and he had been left alone. He decided to think about Patrick, rather than calling him. He thought about his voice, his hats, his lips.

He missed kissing him.

He really, really did. Ashlee didn't feel the same. It didn't feel wrong and bad like it did with Patrick, it was more of a 'I'm in love with someone else' kind of thing.

He bit his lips, shaking his head as he turned his phone on and quickly scrolled through his contacts.

It was two in the morning. He paused when he was 'Tricky' in the contact list. Should I...? he trailed off before he clicked and decided to call.

\---

Patrick woke up to his phone's ring tone. He was confused at first, but he was even more confused when he read 'Pete' as who was calling him.

He tried to pull away all his anger and his feel of betrayal and accepted the call. "Pete?"

"Patrick! Oh God, I thought you wouldn't answer."

"Of course I will," he said, denying a 'love' to come out of his mouth. "Can't sleep?"

"Can't sleep," Pete nodded. Patrick had a feeling of deja vu to all of this. This has happened before. "If you could sing...?"

Patrick felt kind of nostalgic now. He sighed, and the words came out of his mouth almost automatically. "Joke me something awful just like kisses on the necks of best friends. We're the kids who feel like dead ends. And I --" he stopped for sudden, realizing the words that came out of his mouth.

Pete cried quietly. "Shit. I'm. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he muttered between sobs.

"It's okay, Pete, it's okay. I shouldn't have sang that." He felt tears pooling up on his eyes, and he shook his head. "Why did you...?" he asked, not sure what is he really trying to say.

"Being with boys is wrong. It feels wrong. I don't... it felt dirty to be at your side. I'm sorry."

Patrick understood what he meant. He had gone through that before. When he'd think seeing girls kissing was utterly incorrect, when he'd shudder with the mere thought of kissing another boy. Now that had changed.

But Pete seemed to still go through it.

"Do you love Ashlee best, though?" He repressed a 'because she's skinny'.

"I... I don't know," Pete choked out, and Patrick could almost see him shaking his head, his hands wet with tears.

He wanted to hug him, to tell him everything was okay.

"I know there's nothing wrong with liking boys, but my parents --" he said, his words a jumble of sounds.

"I understand, I understand. It's alright." Patrick sighed. "I'll sing another song to you, if that's okay?"

"Yeah. That one part of 'Saturday', maybe?"

"Sure." He took a deep breath. "Pete and I attacked the laws of Astoria..."

The song went on, and it didn't take long for Pete to fall asleep in between his fears and worries.


	4. Chapter 4

Pete was scared. He wasn't sure of anything anymore. His love for Ashlee, his love for Patrick, his dedication to Fall Out Boy and his bandmates. He didn't know what to do.

The nights were sleepless and tiring, and he'd get up tired and with immense bags under his eyes. His skin was paler than ever, and he seemed too frail to be a twenty-six year old.

"Pete?" Ashlee said for maybe the fifth time that day. He had zoned out again.

The boy looked at her. "Yes, honey?"

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah. Didn't sleep well last night." He shrugged, as if it didn't matter. It did matter, though— it always mattered.

Ashlee frowned. "You always don't sleep well."

Pete laughed dryly. "Maybe it has to do with the insomnia, I don't know, love," he said, his voice charged with sarcasm.

Ashlee rolled her eyes. "Whatever, babe."

Pete repressed a shudder. It felt wrong to be called that by anyone other than Patrick. But, anyway, it felt wrong to be with Patrick.

He passed a hand through his hair. "Ashlee...?" he said, trailing off, the question in his lips.

The girl went closer to him. "Yeah?"

"Can I go see Patrick today?" You're risking it, Wentz. He didn't believe he was making this question. He knew Ashlee was very much suspicious of his relationship with the singer.

Ashlee's lips pursed. "Sure," she said after a long pause. "Don't do anything off limits, though, baby," she said with a sickeningly sweet voice, and it made Pete's stomach hurt.

"Yes, Ashlee," he said, feeling like a plaything with rules and limits. He should be free. And he felt free with Patrick, and Joe and Andy. He realized that way Ashlee wasn't very good.

He had been dating her for a few months now, and he regretted it. The feeling of wrongness was no longer there, but something much bigger was there.

Ashlee was manipulative, she was bossy, she had her rules and her limits for him, as if he was a mere plaything. He hated it.

A rule was that he couldn't speak with Patrick for more than two hours. Ashlee's reasoning was that the boy would cheat on her.

Pete was tired. He was much better without her. His mental health was worse than ever, and he was on edge all day.

"Ashlee?" he said after opening the door, turning around. His gaze locked with hers.

She smiled at him. "Yes?"

"I'm breaking up with you. I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry."

Ashlee got up almost automatically, and she suddenly slapped him in the face. He hit his face with the doorframe. "What was that?" he almost yelled, his sides hurting.

"You're not leaving me! I'll kill myself if you leave!"

"Nice attempt at guilt tripping me," he said, rolling his eyes. "As someone who has actually tried to kill himself, you are perfectly fine. Plus, you're too afraid of death to really try it."

Ashlee growled and slapped him again. "You won't go!" she screamed.

No wonder I thought she was abusive, Pete thought. He had dealt with this before; his father was an alcoholic mess, and he was terrible when drunk. "I will," he spoke quietly. "You're no longer my girlfriend, Ashlee."

Silence followed his words, and Pete smiled softly. "And, you know what? Patrick is so much better than you."

He shoved her inside and closed the door behind him, and called a taxi quickly. It got there in a matter of minutes, and he asked the driver to take him to Patrick's house.

His sides were flailing, and he was kind of scared of what Ashlee would do next. She was terrible, she always had been. She always made remarks about how Patrick was terrible, and she had forced him to have sex with her a few times.

He paid the taxi driver and left, a heavy sigh coming from his lips. He knocked on the door, and Patrick went to check on who he was. He looked at him with confusion, but Pete just mouthed 'please' with his lips.

When the shorter boy let him enter, he threw himself at his arms. "Woah, woah, what happened?"

Pete left Patrick's arms rather awkwardly. "Well, I broke up with Ashlee."

"Why?"

"She was awful," he said, not caring to explain. Maybe later, he noted mentally. "And I overcame my whole being with guys is wrong thing."

"But why did you come here, then?"

Pete kissed him for all answer. It was an 'I missed you' kiss, a kiss full of regret and affection. It made both of their hearts melt.

When they separated for breath, Pete smiled. "Because I've always loved you, Patrick, and I always will."

Patrick kissed him again as response. "I love you too," he breathed. "I love you so, so much."

Pete passed a hand around the other boy's face, touching his sideburns and his cheeks sweetly. "You're the greatest person I've ever known, 'Trick, and you know that.

Patrick's smile was the biggest Pete had ever seen it, and he kissed him again with so much love it made their stomachs hurt and butterflies to hurl around.

"I think it's been long enough of a break, has it been?" Pete asked as they sat on the couch, Patrick on his lap.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Let's go back."

"I have lyrics, too. Lots."

"About me, aren't they?"

"A few about Ashlee," he giggled nervously. "But yeah."

"Read me some?"

"I remember one. Uh."

> _Things aren't the same anymore,_   
>  _Some nights it gets so bad_   
>  _I almost pick up the phone._
> 
> _Traded baby blues for wide-eyed browns_   
>  _I sleep with your old shirts and walk around this house in your shoes_   
>  _I know it's strange_   
>  _It's a strange way of saying I know I'm supposed to love you_   
>  _I'm supposed to love you_

Patrick kissed him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so we end. i hope you liked it.   
> please leave comments or kudos if you did so.


End file.
